Amy Chua on Mothering

I read Amy Chua's book World on Fire a few years ago and was struck by her willingness-- nay, eagerness-- to take on controversial topics with a (healthy?) dose of Chinese ethnocentrism. For me, there's a sort of exhilarating strangeness about a person who's willing to throw down and declare that, in this complex and globalizing world, her culture is arguably the best. (I mean, an educated and intelligent person- I'm not talking about Sarah Palin here).

I honestly am not sure what to make of Chua's new article in the WSJ, "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior." It has been posted on the Facebook profiles of more of my Asian friends than I can even count-- obviously it is striking some kind of chord. The article is definitely worth reading, but here's the humorous animated precis in case you're pressed for time:

Stereotyping, much?

As a white employee in Korean/Chinese tutoring centers for several years, I saw many parents and children enacting rituals of repetition, discipline, and perfection. The amount of pressure that was put on some of these students was phenomenal. Some of them handled it well and seemed to thrive under the pressure, but many did not. I observed eating disorders, drug abuse, depression, anxiety, and just plain social weirdness in many of my students, and it made me sad for them. It made me wish that their parents would appreciate the kids for who they were rather than trying to force the kids to become other, better, perfect versions of themselves. (That is what my former co-workers and bosses would call "a very 'white' thing to say", and I acknowledge it.) On the other hand, I admired the fact that the parents of my tutoring students were willing to invest very heavily in their children and to hold the kids to high standards of accountability. On the whole, I don't believe these parents deserve to be identified with Chua's gladitorial parenting style, and I'm concerned that her article may feed into already-existing negative stereotypes about Asian students and their parents.

I don't know what kind of mother I would be, but I hope I never go so far as Chua did in calling one of her daughters "garbage" when the daughter was "extremely disrespectful." To me, it seems like Chua was being extremely disrespectful to her own child and setting a terrible example of dealing with conflict by calling names and devaluing the other person. Without mutual respect for the human dignity of the other, the parent-child relationship becomes abusive or simply falls apart. Yes, I want my (hypothetical future) children to have the joy and satisfaction that comes from performing at the level of their full potential, but not at such a high price as I suspect the Chua daughters have paid.

Edit: I just browsed through the Amazon ratings for Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, of which the WSJ article is an excerpt. It's interesting that the one-to-five star ratings form an almost perfect inverted bell curve pattern. Apparently Chua's book is either loved or hated, with little middle ground. Either way, I'm not buying it.